Parenting a Child with Neurodiverse Needs: Optimizing Family Wellness
When I began my practice in 2004, half of my families were in crisis and the majority of them separated or divorced. My focus in my practice is “family first”, everything we do in our practice is focused on each dimension of the overall family. A healthy mom is a healthy family they say? I believe each individual is an integral part of the family system not just the mom and having a child or a sibling with any type of diverse needs whether it's developmental, intellectual or neurological and each member needs support and tools to thrive.
According to Taylor Downey’s Thesis, Families of children with special needs struggle with “marital relationships, financial pressures, sibling adjustment, and decreased parent efficiency” to name a few. Click here to read more. Also, “special needs parents often feel isolated and may also have feelings of shame, guilt, anxiety, or depression” according to, verywell health.
Fortunately In 2010 I had the privilege to complete my masters in marriage and family therapy and am passionate to support and help families optimize family wellness. In June we honored mental health awareness and I’m writing this article to help continue family mental wellness every month of the year!
Here are 9 strategies that families can practice to optimize family wellness.
1. Positive Thinking and Self-Talk
Reframing negative thoughts can reduce anxiety and empower you to find the strength/motivation to make it through challenging situations.
Write a list of all the negative thoughts you have. Ie. People think I’m a bad parent.
For each negative thought write 3 positive thoughts to defeat each of these negative thoughts. Ie. I provide for my family, I give my family the best they deserve, I can do this, I will stay calm, Who cares what other people think!
2. Relaxation and Breathing Exercises
We need more oxygen in our blood to better regulate our body system.
Breathing exercises - breath long and deep
Muscle relaxation - tighten and loosen muscles
Set aside as little as 10 minutes a day to exercise breathing, relaxation and mindfulness exercises.
As a music therapist I suggest singing through lines of your favorite song. Mine is Josh Groban, “You raise me up so I can stand on mountains”.
3. Organization and Structure
Stressed is often attached to things being and/or feeling “out of control”.
Create a daily/weekly list or schedule of things you need to complete and a sublist of things you’d like to complete.
Create a family routine or list to help with completing tasks that can free up your time for more enjoyable things - SELF CARE!
Organization and familiarity helps children feel safe and secure. Ie. Social stories and visual supports are very effective.
* Practice Makes? … Not PERFECTION but Permanence! The more you practice these strategies the more they become a habit.
4. Time for Family Fun!
Families can get so focused on goals, therapy and much more than they spend little time focusing on family fun, connection and bonding!
Make a list of each family member's favorite activities and make sure you spend time making sure each family member (including parents) gets to engage in one of their activities each week. *Cost and time is a variable in this list.
5. Family Traditions and Rituals
Rituals and traditions give a family a sense of connection, belonging, identity and respect for one another.
Ie. Ritual bedtime stories, family cuddling/movie time, music time, etc.
Rituals help children feel the world is a safe and predictable space and strengthen family values.
6. Support From Family and Friends
It’s O.K. and necessary to ask for help! You cannot do this alone despite what you have been conditioned!
Ie. babysitting so you can go on a date night, taking your child(ren) to the park, etc.
7. Respite
Everyone needs a break from time to time to reduce stress and anxiety.
Time away from your child(ren) is healthy and helps your brain regulate and gives you healthy perspectives on things and also helps your children build autonomy and individualism.
8. Talking to a Professional
It's important to talk to someone that is not your family member and a third perspective that can help organize your thoughts and normalize what you are experiencing.
Family and friends know you well and often give you advice based on what they think you like to hear, not based on what is best for you, your relationship or your family.
Preventative care is self-care! Don’t wait too late!
9. Make Time! Have Fun! Dance! Have a Party With Your Family!
You all will benefit from it!
If you and/or your family needs additional support or would like to talk to someone, Mewsic Moves offers a FREE 15-minute consultation. At Mewsic Moves we provide couples, family and sibling counseling as well as individual and group Music Therapy support specializing in Neurologic Music Therapy.
Book your FREE 15 minute consultation here, we look forward to hearing from you and supporting you.
You can also join our newsletter to get information on family support services.
For more information contact:
John Mews, LMFT, MT
CEO & Founder - Mewsic Moves
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Music Therapist
Email: john@mewsicmoves.com
Phone: (818) 877-6797
Web: www.mewsicmoves.com